For(ward) Give . . .

The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose.

~Rumi

 "Whenever you feel ‘short' or in ‘need' of something,

give what you want first and it will come back in buckets. 

That is true for money, a smile, love, friendship. 

I know it is often the last thing a person may want to do,

but it has always worked for me.

I just trust that the principle of reciprocity is true,

and I give what I want." 

~ Robert Kiyosaki, Rich Dad, Poor Dad

Dear Readers;

Lately, I have been mindful of the delicate balance between giving and receiving. All my life, I have been a giver, a lover, and a provider . . . and while I realize that this is my essence, I have been giving, loving, and providing, at times, at the expense of caring for myself.

At the same time, I have traditionally not asked for what I want, and I eventually came to a place where I wasn't even sure what I enjoyed, and what I wanted or needed in my relationships and in my self-care.

Somewhere along the way, I learned to put others before myself, and learned to depend on others needing me, approving of me, and appreciating all I do in order to feel worthy. This is a tricky and painful way to exist for many reasons, but here are just a few of the sneaky beliefs that live on the underbelly of such a model:

• when we depend on others for self-worth and peace, we don't learn to be in touch with our inner resources--those that do not depend on outer circumstances and other people
• we need to learn how to be okay without others liking us, approving of us, or being what we want them to be--we need to live from the inside out rather than the outside in
• we set up expectations about how we want others to react to our giving, and if they do not meet these expectations, it can lead to resentment from both
• others may feel manipulated by our actions, but may not be sure why they feel this way--it's confusing
• we rob the people in our lives the opportunities to give to us, and to get in touch wth what they need, especially when we speculate what they need (note: we make up this information)
• we rob ourselves from learning about receiving
• our relationships become out of  balance and may not be sustainable as a result
• we emotionally crash and burn after a while because of our own depletion
• this cycle is repetitive, unhealthy, and ultimately, a self-fulfilling prophecy that needs to be interrupted and healed

While I do believe in "paying it forward," as Kiyosaki writes above, we must practice self-care and love, and then care and give from a place of overflow rather than sacrificing until our love tanks are on empty (for amazing perspective, read Chapman's The 5 Languages of Love). 

Somewhere along the way, I missed this crucial part of what it means to truly LOVE--to give freely with no expectations, and to accept others for who they are without projecting onto them my beliefs about what they should be.

If I truly want to be loved, seen, and heard--with all my imperfections--I wish to grant the very same to the people I love (and maybe to the people I don't really like so much, too? But that's another blog).

Namaste--
Dana