SaD . . .

Dear FunFreePeepholes:

Does this picture make my butt look big? 

This picture is what I do when I am sad.

Keep smiling. Pretend everything is okay.

Other ideas I've tried (among others . . .):

• eating
• not eating
• exercising
• not exercising
• sleeping
• not sleeping
• reading
• not reading
• believing my thoughts
• arguing with my thoughts

Know what the hardest thing for me to do is? Move into my feelings of sadness. Too scary.

Will I ever come back? Will I die?

This is why I cry in the shower, in the bathtub, and when I am swimming. I feel supported by the water; I merge with the very tears that are coming out of my body and I am in a state of surrender.

My son has a move that he made up in the pool last week. 

He floats on his back, puts his arms out like he is a cross, and repeats quietly in a low singing voice: "Water Jesus."

I think he's trying to tell me something. Kids are so darn smart before they begin to forget and learn all the grown up stuff.

Thanks, Max.

Still okay.

Love, Dana