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beware...the content of this blog may apply to grown ups ;)
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One thing I have said to my own kids and my students, too, is that:
everything happens for a reason.
We may not always know the lessons in the stuff that happens to us, and that's because we sometimes get so caught up and attached to what WE WANT TO HAPPEN!
In other words, WE WANT CONTROL, RIGHT????
FLASHBACK to my chubby, freckly, middle-school self:
I can remember trying to get other kids to like me or be nice to me. That sounds so weird to me as I write it down as a grown up (although I must admit I still catch myself doing it!!!! YIKES! Please don't tell anyone!). But, as the amazing visual from notsalmon.com hints: We can celebrate our weirdness!
STORY: In 6th grade, I remember "liking" a boy named Kenny (last name to remain anonymous... shout out to Kenny if you're reading my blog!), and I wanted him to "go" with me" (whatever that means in middle school...). I gave him, like, over 20 packs of gum, wrote notes to him, took ridiculous detours through my school so I would see him between classes, and lots of other crazy stuff.
...what we do for love... ;)
GUESS WHAT?...Kenny never "liked" me back :( sad face and, of course, in my mind I made up that it was because I was chubby and freckly (he never told me that, though--he barely talked to me at all)!
DANG!@@#^%&% ...that was a lot of gum...
ANOTHER STORY: I know you can all relate---like, for example, thinking:
If I keep kissing butt to the kids who (I think) don't like me . . .
- maybe they'll stop treating me like crap
- maybe they'll quit taking my stuff or copying off my homework
- or even stop hating me on Facebook
- or at the very least maybe they will LEAVE ME THE HE(L)K ALONE! (I can remember actually praying about this one as a kid...)
When I was really in a fantasy land, the stuff I made up in my head was even more wishful--like, for example, thinking:
- maybe they'll invite me to their lunch table (that's a huge one!!!!)
- maybe I'll get to go to one of their sleepovers
- maybe we could go to summer camp together!
You get the picture, right?
Trying to manage what other people think or feel about us is living from the OUT:SIDE IN. Living from the OUT:SIDE IN is, quite frankly, a butt load of work. But here's the good news:
You can relax... (and actually, take a deep breath now! I am controlling you! LOL!)
Living from the IN:SIDE OUT, not the OUT:SIDE IN, is much easier! And, (top secret information) even some of the grown ups don't know this...but you can share it with them, if you think they are ready...
What I know now, is that I can't get other people to like me, be nice to me, or anything else! My job is to be myself (who, BTW, is very likable!), like and love myself, and surround myself with others who like me for me. I don't actually have to DO anything--just be myself. Whew!
I wish I would have known this stuff earlier...(which is one awesome reason I started my blog, really). Actually, knowing now that this stuff is just plain out of my control is such a relief!
And guess what? I get to breathe, enjoy myself, and just be the best person/mom/teacher/friend I can be... and I think I actually do a better job of all those things when I am not freaking out trying to control things from the OUT:SIDE IN all the time!!!!!
Let me know what your thoughts and feelings are!
Love and Light,
Dana
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