bE ReAL: fEeL!

hEy!

Today my kids were all over the place, with their moods. Sometimes, I feel like THAT mOm, who wants to be peRfecKt, and who wants to raise happy, educated, "perfect" children, SO sometimes I get a bit freaked out when my kids are sad or mad (just like my own parents did...). 

As in, eMotIons are good or bad? They just ARE . . .

Sometimes, I wonder if my kids don't share how they feel cuz  I am such a sponge-slash-fixer. I don't let them be---I want tot make it BE(tter).

When I was growing up, things weren't that much different... as long as I was okay (and not sad or mad) my parents were okay. 

And what I learned from THAT was THIS: If I wasn't okay, my parents weren't okay--which totally sucked for me for many reasons:

*I learned it wasn't okay to be anything but content and happy...
*I learned that my emotions weren't okay...
*I learned that feeling whatever I was feeling wasn't okay. . .   
*and, eventually, (remember when I wrote to you about this before?)

my emotional life sort of went . . .

                                                          SURFACE

                                             THE

                        BELOW

. . . which means I stopped talking about my feeling 'cuz I didn't feel comfortable or safe.

I even lost touch with how I felt 'cuz I would just

         push            feelings            away   

or iGnOrE tHeM or aRgUe wItH tHeM,

or pReTend they weren't there.

I couldn't even explain how I felt about stuff, NE more-- which meant I lost touch with my gUt & my heart (oUr two most important gUides, yo.)

So now, I am THAT ridicUlOus grOwnUp doing the same thing to my oWn kIds. GeeeSH! OMG! F^(K! 
I'm teaching my own kids the same crap-a-liscious stuff about feelings that I learned from the growNuPs in my LifE.  Like, I want to swoop in and REscUE thEm and fIx their emotIOns when they are sad or mad (BTW: as I write this, I know in my heart and head it's totally ridiculous!--and it sounds cRaZy!).

BUT ( and a BIG BUTT!!!! hahahaha)--at least I'm learning and I'm catching my(bad)SelF in the aCT of rePeaTinG this tOtALLy GroSs pATTern!

So, I will definitely talk to my kiDs about this unHEALTHY fAmiLy pAtterN! 

Then, they can CALL ME OUT when they think I'm doing it, 'cuz we're a team! And we are all working on stUfF... (our latest is interrupting . . . we have an INTERRUPTING JAR where we have to put in 10 cents when we interrupt another person in our family!!!!!

ya feelin' it? I AM ;0)
dana