FeEL it and LeT iT gO . . .

Oh dEaR fun&free-fEeLerS!

Whew! I needed to take a breather yesterday . . . 'cuz something super wObBLy . . . dark . . . gloomy . . . and sad came over me . . . and kind of tOoK oVeR and . . . I couldn't stop crying ;0( . . . but that's okay . . . :)

And, now I'm back . . . well, sort of . . . 

. . . still crying, though.

But it IS really okay . . . (even though I look terrible . . . in a cute way :). Today, I'm just letting all my feelings move through me [including happiness, btw! I totally spent 2 hours at the beach with my kids today and that was well, aWeSomE! I talked to a gazillion dogs, and a butterfly landed on my finger (aka transformation reminder!)].

So, here's my feelings about my feelings . . .

• I have had a hard time sharing my feelings for most of my life. I think it started when I was a kid, actually, when gRowNuPs used to argue with me about how I felt (which doesn't even make sense, does it? how can you argue with how someone feels?). 
• Others also used to tell me how I felt (did they crawl up into my head or into my heart?--what the hel(k) did they know NE-way?)
• So, I learned to iGnoRe my feelings altogether. But NO MORE! Yay! I'm growing!

Even though my emotional life HAS BEEN rather . . .

U

        N

                D

                       E

                               R

                                       G

                                              R

                                                     O

                                                            U

                                                                  N

                                                                          D.

 . . . which means I sometimes don't share my feelings 'cuz I don't feel comfortable or safe, I actually DID share with you all that I was wobbly, even though I wasn't sure what it was about--not sure that matters anymore . . . and that's g(o)od progress, huh? . . . 

Fortunately, I am practicing knowing what I feel. Yesterday, I was sad, lonely, tired, and scared . . . 

You know, I used to just

    push

                   my

                             feelings

                                                away   

or   just

iGnOrE tHeM,

aRgUe wItH tHeM,

or pReTend they weren't there.

(sound familiar? . . . that's what I learned from those silly gRowNupS. . . I don't really think they meant it, though, 'cuz they didn't know any better . . .)

It's taken a lot of practice to get my feelings again, and

 I still have barfy tummy butterflies when I share my feelings.

I am getting braver, 'cuz the You-niverse is giving me lots of opportunities to share my feelings lately--both super awesome amazing happy feelings! and black hole-in-the-heart scary hidden cave-in feelings. 

ffFeelers!: I encourage you to share your feelings--even if it freaks you out, caves you in, your  heart pounds, or you think you are going to puke! It will get easier and actually, important!

I was kind of lost yesterday--like OMG! What should I do? I don't feel go(o)d! So, I didn't do anything . . . but cry, take a bath, and share with my kids and my bffs that I felt wObBly. I didn't want NE1 to save me, though (like barfing on someone so they would help me. . .). I figured it out on my own.

I have been letting myself be sad. I have not been running away, eating chocolate, smoking (eEw!), drinking wiNe, or stayIng in beD all day . . . AnD . . . I am so okay! Next time I feel (anything), I will give myself even more permission to just bE mE. . . (wherever I AM) . . . and LoVe all of mE, NE-way!

LovE yOu,

SuperMe (2 sUpER yOu)!