Brothers and Sisters . . . Oh, My!

       

Brother and Sister

06.24.17.

Lulu has arrived--and she has been here for just one week. Teddy kind of likes her, but is a bit annoyed, in general . . . and I don't blame him.

He's been TOP DOG for over 2 years! Daddy's best (beast) friend, a super-great armpit sleeper! And a ball boy extraordinaire.

I think he's secretly happy she's here, even though she's a bit of a pain.

I wonder if that's how my brother felt about me.

I didn't really get my brother or connect with him until we were in college. We went to the same university--the U of MN--and he was a Lodger and I was a DG. We started school the same time even though he was a year older, because he went to Amsterdam for "grade 13" after he was heartbroken because he couldn't go to Carleton College. My parents couldn't afford it, and they made too much money for him to get scholarship money. But that's another story.

My point is, we don't really appreciate what is right in front of us, because we aren't present. We are planning the future, regretting the past, or hating on all the $#!t that we don't appreciate about life in general. We are generally numb, I believe, and I'm not excusing myself from it, either. 

I hope my kids, Max and Chloe, love each other as much as my brother and me did. They really don't even want to be in the same house right now, sadly.

They are really different from each other, and they don't see that as a cool thing. 

My brother and I were really different, too.

I didn't even get how much he meant to me, until my brother, Chris, died. How freakin' obvious is that? (You don't realize what you've got until it's gone . . .)

Sometimes, I feel like he dies every damn day like a throat-closing, choke, cry feeling. 

He was my best friend.

I hope Lulu and Ted are best friends. I think it's meant to be. ;)

MOM is WOW, upSide dOwN!

Happy Mother's Day

05.14.17.

Today is Mother's Day and I know a lot of moms are going to be superly-duperly appreciated and honored! Awesome! 

Sometimes, I look at my two amazing kids and think to myself . . . "WOW I'm a MOM . . ." what the heck have I done? (did I ever take a class for this?) . . .

Which leads me to the topic of gratitude. I am so thankful for being a mom, and sometimes, it's really, really tough, like . . . there are times when I feel like I have absolutely NO CLUE what I'm doing!!!!!!

Despite the challenges, life as a mom is usually actually pretty AmAZinG . . . and I feel really blessed by my two kids, Max and Chloe!

Being a mom also makes me very humble, cuz my kids (my own and my kids in my eighth-grade classroom) call me out on everything, and I mean everything!--which is good, cuz that keeps me honest and helps me grow.

(incoming top secret information)

Speaking from my own experience, we moms learn more from our kids than anyone can ever imagine! 

As a matter of fact, my kids and students are my best teachers, like, for example, cHiLdReN:

• are forgiving of others
• are open to the Universe
• stay in the moment (present)
• are full of jOy!
• laugh their butts off!
• do crazy stuff!
• say what's on their minds!
• express their feelings openly and honestly

So, on mom's day, guess what? . . . I give my own kids gifts and cards to let them know how lucky and blessed I feel to be their mom, and how grateful I am that they're my most important teachers. 

Weird? Nah . . .I'll always take any opportunity to give someone a present--makes me super happy!

(WoW, I'm a MoM . . . awesome)!

Have an amazing day, and say hey to your Mom!

Coming Full Circle to Chris's Grave

Lakewood Cemetery

05.05.17.

"Go to your fears, sit with them, stare at them.

Your fears are your friend,

their only job is to show you undeveloped parts of yourself
that you need to cultivate to live a happy life."

- Jackson Kiddard

One thing I noticed when I was at Lakewood Cemetery trying to find my brother was, well, my fear. I experience fear in my body first through a wave of tiny pin pricks that start at my face and move down to my feet--along with a kind of heat. It also feels like adrenaline.

This feeling, I realize, is only present the moments before I face whatever it is that terrifies me at the time. So, at Lakewood, I felt it moments before I drove through the gates . . . and then it went away as I drove around looking for the pond. I was just fine, and even content and happy.

And then the feeling came back right when I saw the pond that marked I was near my brother's gravesite. Of course, as I moved closer to the water and circled around, the feeling subsided again--until I actually got out of my car and started looking at the grave markers. I was terrified that I would actually find it, and in my mind I would dramatically throw myself down wailing and scratching in the dirt like a crazed woman in a bad movie.

But as I looked down at the names and the words--brother, father, mother, sister--the fact that all these souls were laid to rest at this lovely place struck me as beautiful. I felt honored to read the names and rather than feel terrified of finding Chris's tombstone, I felt a calm sense of curiosity as I meandered through the grounds.

This morning I read a blog by Madisyn Taylor called "Coming Full Circle," in which she writes:

When we come full circle there is the feeling that we have come to a familiar place
but we are somehow different.

I remembered the day of Chris's funeral, trying to recall the exact spot where he was buried, and I looked down the path to see a newly covered grave piled over with black dirt. Beautiful flowers surrounded the plot, and I was reminded of the circle of life, and the divine timing of it all. I felt honored to be in this strangely familiar spot, and quietly blessed all who rested there.

I realize that the fear place is not really the thing I fear--it is the before place, the place where I sometimes linger before I face what I think is the scary part, and of course when I linger the fear gets bigger. Truth is, once I am there at the fear place, I am okay. I can move past it. This past three years has been quite a journey, but I am coming full circle. I'm not scared anymore.

I will go back to the cemetery very soon--sooner than later. And I will go to the office and ask for a map to help me find Chris. I will bring flowers, a blanket, a good book, and a chunky glass of wine. I will toast the life of my beautiful brother, and bless his soul for traveling on this planet for 49 amazing years. 

wOrdS to LivE by . . .

Go(o)d dAy, aMaZiNg yOU!

Have you thought a little bit about your mantras? You may have even written them down! When I was teaching 8th grade last year, we were talking about cool sayings that have been passed down in our families. SO many of my students told awesome and amazing stories about where they had first heard their special words to live by.

First, I showed them this amazing 

SoulPancake (OprahWinfreyNetwork)

video called Big Think:

Check it out!

Then, I had each of my kids write down a mantra or special saying that speaks to their heart

or that they try to live by.

Here's what it ended up looking like by the end of the day!

Here's a couple of close ups . . . 

By the end of the day, look at what we had--over 200 !! 

Even teachers came to add their special sayings to our board!

Some words to live by from my fAbuliscious 8th grade kiddos!

• Chocolate makes you happy!
• Everyone smiles in the same language.
• Be the person you want to be.
• Freedom is not free.
• Let your wings soar to the sky!
• Be yourself; don’t change for anyone. 
• Live life strong, or when you are old you will regret it.
• Breathe!
• Choose the life you want to live.
• The only responsibility you have is to be the fullest expression of yourself.
• Immature love is I love you cause I need you; mature love is I love you cause I love you.
• Be a bush if you can't be a tree. If you can't be a highway, be a trail. If you can't be the sun, be a star. For it is not by size you win or fail; be the best at whatever you are.
• Yesterday was the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a gift--that’s why they call it the present.
• Keep calm and carry on.
• There are 7 billion people in the world why are you letting one ruin your life?
• Working hard is smart in the end.
• Pick flowers instead of fights!

Do you have a favorite inspiring phrase? Would love to hear it below in our comments!

So mUcH LoVe!

;) dana