relation-SHIPS are journeys, not destinations!

The journey is the reward.
-Chinese Proverb

WeLL hELLo all fUn & fRee feLLow tRaVeLers--

As you know, I have been writing a lot lately about the delicate dance of relation-SHIP, and by relation-SHIP, I literally mean SHIP--like, as in relation-SHIPs are journeys, not destinations. 

Sometimes, travel is smooth and beautiful, and the water is crystal clear and the skies are baby blue. Whew!

Other times, waters are murky and tumultuous & filled with predators, and the sky is pitch black, rainy and thunderous--Scary!

Most of us have a destination in mind when we go on a journey, and this is often true of a relation-SHIP, as well. We have an idea of where we want it to go, and so often, we have OUR PLAN (destination) in mind . . . and we forget to really see and appreciate the person in front of us and we don't live authentically in our own skin.

This is also true when we meet someone and assume they have nothing to offer us. We never see the gifts they potentially could offer us in our life 'cuz we think we have it figured out before we even allow the relation-SHIP to develop.

I don't know about you, but some of the coolest journeys I have taken are just getting in the car and starting to drive--without knowing where I am going . . . OR (even better) . . . having a set destination and then getting lost or going on a detour and ending up somewhere even more amazing than I had ever imagined . . . (I'm sure you know where I'm secretly going with this by now!)

CONSIDER THIS: 
Relation-SHIPS are journeys, not destinations, and if we open ourselves to fully experiencing another person, while being authentic at the same time, the possibilities are endless! Hello!

For those of us who have ever chased a relationship, this notion can be a huge relief. Personally, I'd rather be my imperfect, crazy, awkward self--with someone who appreciates me for all of it--than try to be perfect with someone who constantly corrects me, criticizes me, and wants me to be different than who I am. Bye-bye!

When we open ourselves up authentically to others, we may be surprised where the journey, the relation-SHIP carries us. Where has an unexpected relation-SHIP taken you? Leave me a comment and let me know!

All Aboard!
Love, 
Captain Dana

feeLs niCe 2 B, weLL, nICe!

This past 5 years has definitely been a time of facing my fears and choosing love over fear! Like, as in doing what's right for me (despite what other people say about it, how they judge me, and the stories they make up about mY TrUtH!)--even thought these are really stories I make up about what stories they are making up--know what I mean? (METASTORIES--you know: stories about stories!) Ha! I am not really sure why I keep worrying about others, but it keeps happening, so I must still need to work on that lesson. Thanks, You-niverse! (not ... jk . . . but I'm a bit sick and tired of it . . .).

Here's how fear has operated for me:

• I used to try to be perfecKt so nobody would find fault with me
• And, when people did find fault or criticize me, just deny it, or make an excuse for it, or kiss their butt enough to change their mind about how bad or wrong or stUpiD I was . . . (super InAuTheNtiC of me) . . . but it was how I survived . . . ;( BTW: I wonder why I allowed these people to hang around me in the first place when it felt like such crap). Can you relate? 
• NOTE TO SELF: get these iCky tOXic people oUT! Send them off with loVE and comPAssIOn, but SHOW THEM THE freakin' DOOR!
• DOUBLE NOTE TO SELF: get these iCky tOXic InnEr MEan self oUT! Send her off with loVE and comPAssIOn, but SHOW HER THE freakin' DOOR! 

Oh--wait--since this is all in my mind. . . maybe this is really about me? Hmnnn. . . .

What I'm learning, is that just 'cuz someone thinks or says something about me (even if it's ME, in my mind), doesn't mean it's automatically true! That includes the mean crappy crap I tell mEself! 

Also, I am learning to not even waste my EnergY defending mE(self) to these people (or ME) 'cuz it is draining, not true, and the stuff people (and I) say and do to me isn't really about me, anyway.

Do you know that the way people treat and what they say @ you isn't ever really about you? It's about tHeM and who tHeY are and what stories they make up about You! Isn't that weird? 

Which means by default (scary thing to tell you, here, but I'm just being real . . .) the way yOu treat others (including yourself) is neVer about ThEm and wHo you are and WhAt storiEs you make up about them! It's all projection.

CraP on a sTicK!

My daughter was noodling (thinking) out loud in the car yesterday and she was telling me about some kids who talk "stuff" about her at camp--and she felt kinda bad. And I asked her if the stuff was true.

She said, "Nope." 

Then, I asked her this: "If someone told you your skin is purple, would you believe it?" 

She laughed and  said, "Of course not, 'cuz it's not true." 

And I said, "Same thing. If you know it's not true, then it's not!" 

Then, she told me that some of the spiritual stuff I talk about is confusing for her--and, of course, I told her it's confusing to me, too! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

To be clear: setting boundaries around how others treat you is totally healthy (see above about showing them the door . . .). AS my biG bRo told me one morning (we both had recently "broken up" with some ickies in our lives and we were sharing our war stories . . . 'sup Christopher? I KNEW you'd be pleased!):

You get to be youR LOveLy seLf, BUT YOU ARE NOT A DOORMAT FOR PEOPLE TO WALK ALL OVER!

So, MEet you fears and follow your dreams, FFPps--one teeny tiny baby step at a time, and find pEaCE in what's right for you!

LoVe U to the mOOn and bacK!

;) dana

Got SeCrEt?

ShhHhh . . . prOmiSe nOt tO TeLL?

Dear FunFree(imperfecKt)Peeps,

I have had fits of perfection off and on all my life. Still do. As a matter of fact, something about my perfectionism has recently got my attention in a BIG WAY.

BACKSTORY: Sometimes, I like to manage my emotional life by keeping all the yucky stuff to myself; for example, when I'm struggling, sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, or anxious about anything, in particular--or about LIFE, in general. So, things build up . . . DUH . . . and then my feelings and fears end up spewing in a not-so-planful or pretty fashion. Not pretty. 

And, I can't possibly get support from the people who love me if they don't know what's going on. The EGO part of me believes that it's better if people think I'm FINE and I can handle everything--like SUPERWOMAN, right?

Not.

So, I have made a commitment to myself and my loved ones to be more transparent about my TRUTH, knowing that sharing my pain or frustration does not make me needy, it does not mean I wish be rescued, and it doesn't make me a BURDEN or a VICTIM. 

It just IS.

In the past few days, I've shared a lot about the tough spot I've been in, and it has pretty scary. But I have been surprisingly relieved. 

I have felt a huge weight lifted from my heart by shedding a layer of my perfection, asking for a little time, and resting in the presence of loving friends who have listened with patience and compassion.

I am (im)perfeCktly human.

After all, amazing stuff as well as my wobbly spots are all part of what makes me, Me: Dana Lynne Curry Bradach . . . and I can't  celebrate the great stuff and hide the ISH . . . cuz' the ISH is what needs transformation and is the awesome Growing SPOT.

I need to shed light on ALL parts of me--and especially those scary wobbly parts of ME need to bask in the yummy light so they can be transform, heal, and re(a)l-ease. Get it?

Give it to YOUrself first . . .

Me! (photoshopped a bit . . .)

One thing I've noticed in my own experience and in the lives of others, is that many us tend to try to get our needs met from the outside in. For me, this has proven to be a painful pattern. What that has meant for me in the past is that I've depended on the attention and actions of others to fill the spaces inside of me. What I learned to do was to either camouflage myself or turn into a chameleon--so I became what I thought others would approve of, like, or accept; this was how I maintained the illusion that I could control others, and this is how I lost sight of myself over and over in relationships. I gave up core parts of myself until there was seemingly nothing left of the real me--in me. 

As I write that, it sounds altogether miserable, and it truly is.  

Thing is, I didn't know any better until my recent past--I just didn't get that the only way I can fill myself up is with a loving relationship with myself and with my God. 

It's funny and strange to "awaken" in my mid-forties only to realize that one of my highest callings in this lifetime is to just be myself, to love myself, and to just be. This has called for some revolutionary changes on my part, and putting myself first has been the most transformational but also the most difficult, especially since I have put others before me for much of my life. This kind of giving, although I didn't know it at the time, was actually motivated by my need for others to need me, like me, approve of me, and depend on me---AND it's not healthy for anyone. But I didn't know . . .

It truly was not in my developmental capacity--until recently. But now I do know, and it's such a relief; the pressure's finally off, with no apologies (although I have had some guilt from time to time about putting myself first).

One of my mentor's once told me that I am the one who can meet my needs with amazing self-care, and I have found that to be so true. That doesn't mean I don't need other people, or that I can live independently, free from relationships. On the contrary! It actually means that my relationship with myself comes first, and then I can freely give to others from my heart with no expectations and with strings attached. One result is that my connections with others have deepened as a result of connecting with my own spirit.

How do connecting with yourself and Spirit deepen your relationships? Share your experience in the blog comments!

Lots of Love!

Dana

tHe tIMe Is nOw! bReaThE!

Breathe

A lot of times, when i'm actually doing something, i'm not really paying attention--like, my mind is elsewhere (like, worrying about the past or the future, of course)and my body is going through the motions of life. sometimes i catch myself watching me (myself, as in, dana) in my own personal movie . . . i'm doing stuff but my mind is totally checked out. . . this bad habit kind of robs me cuz i'm not actually experiencing life--in front of me which is a huge gift!

Go(o)D NeWs: we can choose our habits of thought---and, we can replace old junk that doesn't work anymore, with new and improved habits that make life even mOrE aMaZing!

So HOW do we beComE more pReSent? Here are a few iDeAs:

• breathe--and pay attention while you do it . . .
• be in nature--notice our amazing world is!
• play with kids, animals, and babies--they make you stay in the now!
• do what you love and live your passion! 
• try meditating . . . it really calms your mind. 

Have a beautiful day, and remember to 

B     r     e     a     t     h     e !

Lots Of Hugs!

;) dana