Yesterday I wrote about letting go of people and patterns that no longer serve us, and for me, that has always been tough--especially because somewhere along the line I learned that it is important that people like me.
As a matter of fact, I can remember when I was in elementary school, in the midst of 30+ kids in my classroom who I pretty much got along with, I would focus on pleasing and making friends with the one kid who didn't like me. What the HE(LL)CK? Like how people feel about me is in my control?
More INSANITY! (see yesterday's blog . . .)
Why do we settle for crumbs in our relationships when we all deserve delicious cake?!
Sometimes, we keep friends around, even when we are uncomfortable for whatever reason--we give too much, we are constantly criticized or told what to do, or we just can't be ourselves.
Sometimes, we hang on just because we are afraid of being alone.
Someone is better than no one, right? (top secret RED FLAG . . .)
If we are mean to ourselves, and pay close attention to and listen to our inner mean girl, why shouldn't others be mean to us, as well? We draw into our lives people who reflect or mirror how we treat ourselves.
Why don't we have the courage to let go of those relationships?
When I was in middle school, I used to wonder why other kids were mean to me; I actually believed some of the rotten stuff they said, and I hardly ever stuck up for myself. This kept happening over and over again, even spilling into my adult life.
Hmmmmnnnnnn...that's interesting...
Have you ever noticed that the SAME characters keep showing up in your life (with different faces, of course) until you learn the lesson you are supposed to learn ? Funny how that works!
We teach people how to behave toward us with our boundaries. It doesn't matter whether they are friends or lovers--people treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
I think we actually train (yep, as in training dogs! ) the people in our lives by what we are willing to put up with. I mean, what is the first word we teach a dog?
"NO."
First, we train a dog about what we are NOT willing to put up with; then, we reward the dog when it behaves in a way that is acceptable to us.
Hmmnn... lessons from dogs!
Would you keep a dog in your house who constantly barked at you and nipped at your fingers or clamped on to the bottom of your pant legs? Absolutely not.
So, if you are noticing that you surround yourself with people who aren't very nice to you, ask yourself "Why?" They are a reflection of how you feel about you! Otherwise, you would not put up with them . . .you would walk away! Insert amazing poem:
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.
~ Portia Nelson ~
Walking down another street can be a really hard, brave thing to do, and sometimes we don't have choices about the people who surround us--like on teams, at work, or in school.
When that happens, we can just look to others with love and detachment, and be
on our way . . . following our own path and not looking back.
