heLLo . . . & gO(o)d . . . bYe . . .

Whether obvious or not, and usually it's not,

everyone in your life is there to help you,

AND, they're actually doing so right now.

We call this the

Everyone In Your Life Is There To Help You Rule.

Tallyho,

The Universe

Which, incidentally, doesn't mean you have to keep them there.

In fact, their offering may simply be to teach you to say "adios."

Hello!

Looking back at my life, I can see how every person I've met and each relationship in my life has taught me very much--and, if I trust the Universe, I know these relationships were sent to me intentionally for my benefit. For me, this means feeling gratitude for the amazing people I know and (and this is harder for me to wrap my brain around) for the difficult people and relationships in my life, too.

Just like my message from the Universe says--sometimes, people are sent to us in relationship to help us learn what we don't want, what we will no longer tolerate, or what no longer serves our highest good. In other words, sometimes characters arrive for us so we can learn boundaries, . . . and eventually how to detach with love and say Go(o)dbye, or adios. 

Sometimes it doesn't take too long to say hello & goodbye . . . and sometimes, we may hang on trying to make things work for years, while on the inside we are already saying goodbye 'cuz we're so lonely . . . we grieve alone quietly while we are still physically in the relationship . . . in which case our goodbyes can take years, even decades.

But that's okay, too. We say goodbye when we are ready. It's all perfect timing.

Thankfully, we can turn away from those relationships that no longer fit, and continue on our journey with gratitude, knowing that even the tough ones have been our best teachers. 

Saying goodbye takes courage, and faith, and and a deep inner knowing that all is well and will continue to be well. When we say goodbye, we open up an amazing space of possibilities for all the great stuff to arrive! We can continue to do our best and stay in our integrity--with the help of our faithful friends, and the Universe behind us.

Go(o)dbye! 

Lots of Love ;)

Dana

everYthIng iS oN pUrPosE . . .

****************************************************

beware...the content of this blog may apply to gRowN uPs ;)

****************************************************

One thing I have said to my own kids and my students, too, is that: 

everything happens for a reason. 

We may not always know the lessons in the stuff that happens to us, and that's because we sometimes get so caught up and attached to what WE WANT TO HAPPEN! 

In other words, WE WANT CONTROL, RIGHT????

FLASHBACK to my chubby, freckly, middle-school self: 

I can remember trying to get other kids to like me or be nice to me. That sounds so weird to me as I write it down as a grown up (although I must admit I still catch myself doing it!!!! YIKES! Please don't tell anyone!)

STORY:

In 6th grade, I remember "liking" a boy named Kenny (last name to remain anonymous... shout out to Kenny if you're reading my blog!), and I wanted him to "go" with me (whatever that means in middle school...). I gave him, like, over 20 packs of gum, wrote notes to him, took ridiculous detours through my school so I would see him between classes, and lots of other cRaZy stuff.
...what we do for love... ;)

GUESS WHAT?... Kenny never "liked" me back :(  sad face  and, of course, in my mind I made up that it was because I was chubby and freckly (he never told me that, though--he barely talked to me at all)!   DANG!@@#^%&% . . . that was a lot of gum . . .

ANOTHER STORY:

I know you can all relate---like, for example, thinking:

If I keep kissing butt to the kids who (I think) don't like me . . .

• maybe they'll stop treating me like crap
• maybe they'll quit taking my stuff or copying off my homework
• or even stop hating me on Facebook
• or at the very least maybe they will LEAVE ME THE HE(LL)CK ALONE! 
• (I can remember actually praying about this one as a kid...)

When I was really in a fantasy land, the stuff I made up in my head was even more wishful--like, for example, thinking:

• maybe they'll invite me to their lunch table (that's a huge one!!!!)
• maybe I'll get to go to one of their sleepovers
• maybe we could go to sUmMeR CaMp together!

You get the picture, right? 
Trying to manage what other people think or feel about us is living from the OUT:SIDE IN. Living from the OUT:SIDE IN is, quite frankly, a butt load of work. But here's the good news:

You can relax... (actually, take a deep breath now! I am controlling you! LOL!)

Living from the IN:SIDE OUT, not the OUT:SIDE IN, is much easier! And, (top secret information) even some of GrOwN uPs don't know this...but you can share it with them, if you think they are ready...

What I know now, is that I can't get other people to like me, be nice to me, or anything else! My job is to be myself (who, BTW, is very likable!), like myself,  and surround myself with others who like me for me. I don't actually have to DO anything; just Be myself. Whew!

I wish I would have known this stuff earlier...(which is one awesome reason I started this blog, really).

Actually, knowing now that this stuff is just plain out of my control is such a relief! 

And guess what? I get to relax, enjoy myself, and just be the best person/mom/teacher/friend/partner I can be... and I think I actually do a better job of all those things when I am not freaking out trying to control things on the OUT:SIDE all the time!!!!!

r U a giVeR or geTTer?

"Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that
most people enter a relationship in order to get something:

they're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel good.

In reality, the only way a relationship will last

is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give,

and not a place that you go to take." 

- Anthony Robbins, author and speaker.

I have been a giver my whole life; and there's more.

I have drawn takers into my life to fill me up because I have gotten a sense of wholeness from giving, and then felt sad and depleted, and even resentful, about being with a taker. And then I get to be a victim and not take responsibility for meeting my own needs.

It's not a bad thing--just like the takers aren't bad; it's just unconscious.

I want to be more conscious; I am becoming more conscious.

Thanks, Universe.

fInD pEaCe & lOve wItHiN uR-sELf!

LoVe & pEaCe hEaRT

"Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish.

If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself-

if you are not capable of taking care of yourself,

of nourishing yourself,

of protecting yourself-

it is very difficult to take care of another person.

In the Buddhist teaching,

it's clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people.

Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice." 

- Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist monk, author, peace activist.

Dear fuN & fReE Pps!

I took a picture of this amazingly cOoL bumper sticker a while back when I was running at a friend's cabin. It has two of my favorite symbols--peace & love! You may realize by now that much of my life's journey has been searching for peace and searching for love. I feel like I've looked eVeRyWhErE - - in friendships, in love & family relationships, in food & exercise, activities & unhealthy behaviors, and also at places like church, & my place of work. 

Really, it never really occurred to me to look within mySELF for peace & love . . . until I was so exhausted from searching that I was pretty much running on empty, wholly depleted, and at the      
end

     of 

          my

               rope.

You see, I have always been the sort of person who takes care of others and manages everything around me. 

WARNING! EGO ATTACK: people depend on me and need me so I must be okay & I can pretend that everything's just perfect . . . but secretly it's pretty controlling behavior, and here's why:

• I wrongly assumed that I knew what is best for others, and I could do it better & correctly (NOT TRUE!)
• I did for others what they could have done for themselves (especially true for children, 'cuz parts of their self-esteem comes from them knowing that grownups believe in them and their own belief: "I can do it! I am capable!")
• If I did stuff for others with resentment, it sent a double message and I got to be a victim
• It was none of my concern to manage what others think or believe about me
• I was making myself sick from trying to keep everything perfect . . . PLUS
• I was not being Dana, or HUMAN, for that matter (don't people who act all perfect kind of piss you off? I must have made a lot of people pretty angry . . . and I am really sorry (had to do some major work around forgiving myself for this one and making amends to people ;)
• It also meant that I did not take very good care of myself, 'cuz I was too busy minding other people's busy-ness.

It's been tough and painful (understatement) for me to work on this issue in my life---it's so much easier to focus on others than take good care of ourselves. But the good news is--it gets easier. Now, I actually enjoy my own company (most of the time), and I am taking the spotlight off of outside people and stuff, and shining the light on some of my inside: funny thing, the peace and love have been with me all along. I've just been too busy and distracted to listen long enough to feel them.

I am so grateful to be open to life's lessons. I know that each one is being prepared especially for me and that each experience and every encounter with another person is helping move to the next right thing!

Accepting it all (even myself!),
LoVe & hUgs!
Dana the Great (sometimes . . .)

eGo gO(aWaY)!

"Love is the capacity to take care, to protect, to nourish.

If you are not capable of generating that kind of energy toward yourself-

if you are not capable of taking care of yourself,

of nourishing yourself,

of protecting yourself-

it is very difficult to take care of another person.

In the Buddhist teaching,

it's clear that to love oneself is the foundation of the love of other people.

Love is a practice. Love is truly a practice." 

- Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhist monk

Dear fuN & fReE Pps!

I took a picture of this amazingly cOoL bumper sticker a while back when I was running at a friend's cabin. It has two of my favorite symbols--peace & love! You may realize by now that much of my life's journey has been searching for peace and searching for love. I feel like I've looked eVeRyWhErE - - in friendships, in love & family relationships, in food & exercise, activities & unhealthy behaviors, and also at places like church, nature, & my place of work. 

Really, it never really occurred to me to look within mySELF for peace & love . . . until I was so exhausted from searching that I was pretty much running on empty, wholly depleted, and at the      

end

     of 

          my

               rope.

You see, I have always been THAT sort of person who takes care of others and tries to manage and orchestrate everything around me. 

WARNING! EGO ATTACK: Here's what I was secretly thinking: "If people depend on me and need me. then I must be okay and worthwhile and valuable & I can pretend that everything's just fine . . . even perfect . . .
What I've come to understand is that this is pretty controlling behavior, and here's why:

• I wrongly assumed that I knew what is best for others, and I could do _______ better & more correctly (NOT TRUE!)
• I did for others what they could have done for themselves, which teaches others to depend on me rather than doing for themselves (especially true for children, 'cuz parts of their self-esteem comes from them knowing that grownups believe in them and their own belief: "I can do it! I am capable!")
• If I did stuff for others with resentment (even though it was my choice), which sent a double message
• I played martyr and victim--unattractive!
• It was none of my business or concern to manage what others think or believe about me
• I was making myself sick from trying to keep everything perfect . . . PLUS
• I was not being Dana, or HUMAN, for that matter--don't people who act all perfect kind of tick you off, anyway? I must have made a lot of people pretty angry . . . and I am really sorry (had to do some major work around forgiving myself for this one and making amends to people ;)
• It also meant that I did not take very good care of myself, 'cuz I was too busy minding other people's busy-ness.

It's been tough and painful (understatement) for me to work on this issue in my life---why is it so much easier to focus on others than take good care of ourselves?  But the good news is--it gets easier. Now, I actually enjoy my own company (most of the time), and I am taking the spotlight off of outside stuff, and shining the light on some of my inside.

Funny thing, peace and love have been with me all along. I've just been too busy and distracted to listen long enough to know and feel it.

I am so grateful to be open to life's lessons. I know that each one is being prepared especially for me and that each experience and every encounter with another person is helping move to the next right thing!

Accepting it all (even myself!),

LoVe & hUgs!

Dana the Often and/or Sometimes Great

p.s. Check out this Kundalini meditation called Ego Eradicator led by the fabulous Gabrielle Bernstein

LeT thEm be!(LoVeD)

HeY ALL!

Back to the whole funfreeMe name thing (thanks, k!)--I started to say some stuff last week about the idea of fun, so today I want to say some stuff about being free (p.s. do you think free is light blue?). Yesterday I blogged about the fact that we are all the same, meaning that we are equally valuable/lovable, and we are all where we need to be(loved).

IDK about you, but I have spent a lot of precious time and NRG waiting for other people to change, (or, trying to change them, DUH! NONE OF MY BUSINESS!). And that's really amazing and convenient for us, cuz when we focus on what others need to do (made up in our minds)--GUESS WHAT?! We don't have to focus on us and what we need to change about ourselves!

HOW CONVENIENT! (and RIGHT, and BETTER *and superior of us...)

WHAT IF (incoming scary and thought-provoking idea )...

IT'S NONE 

OF OUR 

BUSINESS WHat 

OTHERS NEED TO 

CHANGE OR DO! 

kNoCk iT OfF! and focus on yourSelF! (me, tOoO!)

LeT thEm be! (LoVeD)...
and they'll let you be! (LoVeD), too!

Do you feel me?

Love you lotssa and lottsa (mozzerella)!

;) dana

Live IN:SIDE OUT not OUT:SIDE IN

****************************************************

beware...the content of this blog may apply to gRowN uPs ;)

****************************************************

One thing I have said to my own kids and my students, too, is that: 

everything happens for a reason. 

We may not always know the lessons in the stuff that happens to us, and that's because we sometimes get so caught up and attached to what WE WANT TO HAPPEN! 

In other words, WE WANT CONTROL, RIGHT????

FLASHBACK to my chubby, freckly, middle-school self: 

I can remember trying to get other kids to like me or be nice to me. That sounds so weird to me as I write it down as a grown up (although I must admit I still catch myself doing it!!!! YIKES! Please don't tell anyone!)

STORY:

In 6th grade, I remember "liking" a boy named Kenny (last name to remain anonymous... shout out to Kenny if you're reading my blog!), and I wanted him to "go" with me (whatever that means in middle school...). I gave him, like, over 20 packs of gum, wrote notes to him, took ridiculous detours through my school so I would see him between classes, and lots of other cRaZy stuff.
...what we do for love... ;)

GUESS WHAT?...Kenny never "liked" me back :(  sad face  and, of course, in my mind I made up that it was because I was chubby and freckly (he never told me that, though--he barely talked to me at all)!  

DANG!@@#^%&% ...that was a lot of gum...

ANOTHER STORY:

I know you can all relate---like, for example, thinking:

If I keep kissing butt to the kids who (I think) don't like me . . .

• maybe they'll stop treating me like crap
• maybe they'll quit taking my stuff or copying off my homework
• or even stop hating me on Facebook
• or at the very least maybe they will LEAVE ME THE HE(LL)CK ALONE! (I can remember actually praying about this one as a kid...)

When I was really in a fantasy land, the stuff I made up in my head was even more wishful--like, for example, thinking:

• maybe they'll invite me to their lunch table (that's a huge one!!!!)
• maybe I'll get to go to one of their sleepovers
• maybe we could go to sUmMeR CaMp together!

You get the picture, right? 
Trying to manage what other people think or feel about us is living from the OUT:SIDE IN. Living from the OUT:SIDE IN is, quite frankly, a butt load of work. But here's the good news:

You can relax... (actually, take a deep breath now! I am controlling you! LOL!)

Living from the IN:SIDE OUT, not the OUT:SIDE IN, is much easier! And, (top secret information) even some of GrOwN uPs don't know this...but you can share it with them, if you think they are ready...

What I know now, is that I can't get other people to like me, be nice to me, or anything else! My job is to be myself (who, BTW, is very likable!), like myself,  and surround myself with others who like me for me. I don't actually have to DO anything; just Be myself. Whew!

I wish I would have known this stuff earlier...(which is one awesome reason I started this blog, really).

Actually, knowing now that this stuff is just plain out of my control is such a relief! 

And guess what? I get to relax, enjoy myself, and just be the best person/mom/teacher/friend I can be... and I think I actually do a better job of all those things when I am not freaking out trying to control things on the OUT:SIDE all the time!!!!!

Hope you are all enjoying this blog! I am LoViNg writing it!
Let me know what your thoughts and feelings are!

Love and Light,
DaNa

wHat Is yOuR hEaRt'S dEsiRe?

Dear Fun & Free Peeps!

This is an amazing poster by Karen Salmonsohn. I have done a lot of reading and studying about manifestation and the LAW OF ATTRACTION (read the book The Secret or watch the movie--it's amazing!), and one thing I struggle with (and have for a long time) is that I'm not always sure what I want--or I don't trust myself enough to know what I want and just end up second-guessing what I think I want--does that even make sense?

A recurring and painful pattern in my life is this: It's easier for me to try and meet other people's needs before my own, so I've struggled with acquiring the skills & practice it takes to get in touch with what I want--that just hasn't been my role--until just recently (meaning in the past 5 years, or so . . .). So part of my journey has been to GET IN TOUCH WITH ME AND WITH WHAT I HOLD AS MY DEEPEST  & MOST PRECIOUS WISHES.

I want my wishes to come true-- and therefore it's my job as a Child of the Universe to leverage my wishes, but first I've had to learn to LISTEN to the whisperings of my heart.

What has helped my find this inner voice is most definitely and directly tied to my spiritual practices, which include:

• writing (in my journal and sharing my process in this daily bloggety-blog)
• reading books, blogs, and literature that inspires me
• healing/energy work
• meditation
• yoga
• processing with loved ones
• eating properly & exercising
• treating myself with love and kindness; accepting myself as human (rather than perfect)
• speaking my feelings and my truth respectfully and firmly (or, just barfing them out in inappropriate ways and then taking corrective measures after ;0)
• intentionally being present, in the moment
• saying "I'm sorry" when I make a mEsS with my words or actions

Now, really, this list is pretty long, and I certainly am not 100% on any of it--but the point is, I'm intentionally raising my awareness, and I'm trying to evolve. So, as I look at Salmonsohn's "How to make wishes come true," I am going describe what each item means to me right now on my journey:

1. Feel your dream with all your might. This is about visualization, The Law of Attraction, and gratitude. We can make our wishes come true faster when we appreciate what we already have and act "as if" we already possess what we desire. And be in the present moment.
2. List your "To Do's," Write. Write. Write. In order to manifest what we want, it's a great idea to write down what we want in specific, present tense terms. Making a vision board is also am amazing process.
   
3. Overwhelmed? Take Smaller bites. Sometimes we go for the big stuff, when continuous, smaller steps might be more palatable. I always want o be a different, bigger version of myself . . .  and HATE on my former self.
   
4. Frustrated? Focus on all that's right. Once again, gratitude for all we already have is super powerful to call in the even better stuff, relationships, and circumstance!
5. Impatient? Focus on what's within sight. This practice helps keep us in the present, with our short-term goals right in front of us.
6. Hustle each day. Appreciate progress each night. Calling in our deepest desires takes daily action--manifestation is not wishing and hoping without taking steps toward what you want. At the end of the day, we can appreciate and feel gratitude for our progress. 

How do you make your dreams come true? Leave us a comment and share your ideas!
Lots of Love,
Dana 

Love You!

“The Way of the Happy Woman is an ancient way of living in harmony

with oneself and one’s surrounding as a feminine being in the modern world.

This requires simplifying, slowing down,

aligning with the rhythms and cycles of nature,

and living from the inside out through the self-care practices of

seasonal yoga, meditation, lifestyle, and nutrition."

-Sara Avant Stover, author of The Way of the Happy Woman

I love that this cartoon from Karen Salmonson and the message from Stover about The Way of the Happy Woman found its way to my mailbox this morning! The two put together actually speak volumes . . . 

One of my lifelong challenges has been learning how to take good care of myself and put my self-care before taking care of everyone else. Now, I realize that it doesn't apply to, for example, little babies, or others who cannot care for themselves--but oftentimes, I've put others before me out of habit--when they could have totally taken care of whatever the THING was, for themselves.

I think sometimes, we put others before US because it's just a habit or because we NEED TO FEEL NEEDED, but sometimes, I suspect, it may be a bit more than that, for example:

• We believe we might know better what that person needs than they do? hmnnn . . .
• We think putting ourselves first might look selfish . . .
• We don't really know how to do self-care, so it's easier to focus on outside stuff . . . 
• We want to look good, and get extra credit for our busi-ness, so we focus on other people's business . . .
• (deep down) We don't feel worthy of our own self-care, (or that of others, BTW) . . .

Well, I am learning how to do self-care these days--which means, among other things:

• making daily morning meditation & ritual a priority
• taking vitamins again
• smiling randomly and allowing myself to feel peace and bliss
• writing in my journal each day
• speaking my truth, even when it's not pretty, or positive . . .
• setting boundaries around what I'm willing to do . . . like, for example, thinking that NO is my first response, and then reconsidering if YES might be a desirable option
• accepting and being grateful for my forty-ninr year-old body, even though it's not perfect
• asking for what I want and letting go of the outcome . . . just the asking itself is a powerful act for me!
• buying deliscious food, and cooking yummy meals . . . even when I'm by myself
• taking random naps, as needed
• drinking lots and lots of water throughout the day
• letting myself laugh or cry often for seemingly no reason

What do you do for your own self-care? What can you do for yourself today? Leave a message in the comments!

Lots of Love,

Dana

Love Life!

Here is the message I got from the Universe the other day. It reminded me that I need to accept all the people in my life, perfectly & exactly as they are:

For as long as you wish to keep them in your life, 

Dana Lynne, whoever they may be, 

understanding them, as opposed to changing them,

will wildly improve the chances that they'll wish to keep you in their life.

Oh wow, how I love you -
    The Universe

I have spent a lot of time and energy in my life trying to change the people and circumstances around me. What I would like to do is work on accepting the people and challenges around me without fighting it all!

Truth be told, when we can accept everything in our lives as if we had consciously chosen it, we can be grateful for it ALL . . .the go(o)d feelings and what we perceive as yucky stuff, the sh&!-biscuits.

Generally what happens, as in the case of one of my besties today, is that when we are open, we can see that the sh*& is sometimes the most awesome reminder of our growth. What if we totally trusted the Universe to give us EXACTLY what we need? No questions! And we look for the blessings in it ALL?

What tremendous shifts might occur if we ask ourselves the question: "What is the gift in the sh@!@?"

We are responsible for the meaning we assign to our life events; we can look at our challenges as opportunities for growth, or we can crawl into our victim stance and blame others and project outward for what is happening to us. Personally, I'd rather take responsibility for it all

AND

It's all good; and, as my bestie always says to me, "All is well..."

I love life! All of it . . . (even when I hate it). . . the good and the crappy. 

And I love You All!

Dana