Wednesday, October 31, 2012

fAcE uR fEaR . . bOo!

"I have not ceased being fearful,
but I have ceased to let fear control me.
I have accepted fear as a part of life
- specifically the fear of change,
the fear of the unknown;
and I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says:
turn back, turn back, you'll die if you venture too far."
- Erica Jong
Hey All!

Wow! After the full moon last night, I am totally ready to out myself and release an old pattern of mine. Right now, I am actually reading and working through an e-book called 50 Ways to Leave Your Karma by Eric Klein (sponsored by WisdomHeart). Module 1 calls us to observe habitual patterns, so I am doing some thinking about patterns in my own life.

Here's one bIggY for me: my fear of being alone.

Now, I'm not supposed to judge it as wrong or bad or be critical of it (by the way it's not my only pattern or fear . . .), I'm noticing that it has been a pattern that has served my in my life . . .
                  until now.

Fear of being alone has manifested for my in many ways, and I'm going to list the ones that I can think of right now:
  • I have settled for relationships that have not really met my needs (both men and women, both friendships and romantic partners)--because someone is better than no one (false belief), and it's better than being alone
  • I have stayed in relationships (sometimes for a long time), even though my heart knew it wasn't a good fit--because someone is better than no one (false belief), and there may not be anyone who's gonna show up, and it's better than being alone
  • I have acted outside of my authenticity to ensure that people wouldn't leave me with the false belief that if I could control people liking me, they would stay in relationship with me (not true) and I wouldn't be left alone
  • I have manipulated people into needing me, or chosen people who I knew would become dependent on me, so they wouldn't leave me and I wouldn't be alone
As I write this, there's part of me that is observing this pattern in a detached way--mostly because I know these things are not true for me anymore.

So, what is amazing (as those of you know  who have been following my process) at the end of the day, I am left with me, alone. It's okay. I am okay alone.

Makes me wonder why I have never wanted o be alone with me. I am amaZinG. I am mE.

Dana Lynne Curry (PhD when I need a boost of extra credit . . . I am smart!)

And I am beginning to be okay with being alone, although it's a process. Yikeys.

I am coming in to liking (and loving) me. 

(capital D) Dana

No comments:

Post a Comment