ShhHhh . . . prOmiSe nOt tO TeLL?
After what happened with Chloe being so distraught yesterday ("Mom! Something's not perfect!"), I was gently reminded (again) of the daunting nature of perfection.
I looked around the room of my basement and I saw Chloe's artwork crumpled up in piles--markers and colored pencils strewn all over the floor. She'd had a fit of frustration because her art wasn't PERFECT.
I have had fits of perfection off and on all my life. Still do. As a matter of fact, something about my perfectionism has recently got my attention in a BIG WAY.
BACKSTORY: Sometimes, I like to manage my emotional life by keeping all the yucky stuff to myself; for example, when I'm struggling, sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, or anxious about anything, in particular--or about LIFE, in general. So, things build up . . . DUH . . . and then my feelings and fears end up spewing in a not-so-planful or pretty fashion. Not pretty. (Sorry, Keith . . .)
And, I can't possibly get support from the people who love me if they don't know what's going on. The EGO part of me believes that it's better if people think I'm FINE and I can handle everything--like SUPERWOMAN, right?
So, I have made a commitment to myself and my loved ones to be more transparent about my TRUTH, knowing that sharing my pain or frustration does not make me needy, it does not mean I wish be rescued, and it doesn't make me a BURDEN or a VICTIM.
It just IS.
In the past few days, I've shared a lot about the tough spot I've been in, and it has pretty scary. But I have been surprisingly relieved.
I have felt a huge weight lifted from my heart by shedding a layer of my perfection, asking for a little time, and resting in the presence of loving friends who have listened with patience and compassion (thank you Keith, Mom, Chris, Alana, Edward, Max & Chloe, and Celia).
I am (im)perfeCktly human.
After all, amazing stuff as well as my wobbly spots are all part of what makes me, Me: Dana Lynne Curry . . . and I can't celebrate the great stuff and hide the ISH . . . cuz' the ISH is what needs transformation and is the awesome Growing SPOT.
I need to shed light on ALL parts of me--and especially those scary wobbly parts of ME need to bask in the yummy light so they can be transform, heal, and re(a)l-ease. Get it?
Ahhhhhhhhhhh . . . Here is a meditation for healing. Check it out!
Purple Nerple Love,