for your physiology and your spirituality,
and it remains one of the least attractive things to us,
largely because our egos rule so unequivocally.
To forgive is somehow associated with saying that it is all right,
that we accept the evil deed.
But this is not forgiveness.
Forgiveness means that you fill yourself with love and you radiate that love outward
and refuse to hang onto the venom or hatred that was engendered
by the behaviors that caused the wounds.
Forgiveness is a spiritual act of love for yourself
and it sends a message to everyone, including yourself,
that you are an object of love and that that is what you are going to impart."
- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Dear Fun & Free Ones,
Today I had sort of an aha! moment when I realized that after I learned to forgive others, I could then extend the same courtesy to myself . . . and forgive myself. As I thought about it, it felt kind of inside out, actually--but that's generally been my path: living from the outside:in for a good part of my existence.
Knowing that pattern of mine, I can actually be grateful for the pains I've experienced, because they taught me how to forgive others and release my resentent,which in turn taught my forgiveness and acceptance of ME--for all my imperfections, for not knowing the right thing to do or say, for not being good enough, for hurting people I love. I was always doing the best I could with the skills I had at the moment; I just didn't realize it at the time.
So today I'll write a bit @ forgiveness.
TOP SECRET: It's not about the person you're forgiving; it's about you and your own freedom. And, just so you know, that doesn't make right the crappy stuff that people have done. Pain is part of life, and so is forgiveness, release, and acceptance. And, thankfully, so is JOY! What I am saying, is it's our choice what we do with our pain.
Holding onto resentment is like
holding your breath
holding your breath
-- only you suffocate.
And often it takes time before we are ready and willing to let go of resentment and actually forgive others. And, (I've learned this the hard way)--just because we're sorry, doesn't mean someone else wants to necessarily forgive us --in which case, the work is for us to forgive ourselves.
I know people who have been in pain, drama, and in victim mode FOREVER! I used to be there, too! And finally, I got sick of it . . . sick of feeling terrible, tired of my same old victim story, and I eventually had to choose to shift or die a slow spiritual death. At one point in my life, I began to run--a lot (which begs the question: What was I running from?). I ran . . . and ran . . . and ran. I was burdened, stressed out, burned out, sad, and exhausted & one morning, as I turned onto my running course, I found a 15 pound rock (actually, it found me). Something nudged me to pick it up . . . and guess what? I ran 3 miles carrying that 15 lb. rock! When I was done, I put down the rock, and I felt so very light!
That's what forgiveness does.
It frees us.
It makes us lighter.
It means we quit judging others
and making them "wrong" so our egos can be "right", "superior",
(and it takes the pressure off . . .)
It's easier to stay stuck in being mad, right, resentful, offended, or disgusted by someone else's behavior--which conveniently takes the focus off of ourselves, right? And - - it's only suffocating to the person who chooses to hold his or her breath, in Chopra's words.
Can you forgive yourself or someone else today?
Let me know in the comments!