Friday, July 12, 2013

SaD . . .

Dear FunFreePeepholes:

Does this picture make my butt look big? 

This picture is what I do when I am sad.

Keep smiling. Pretend everything is okay.

Other ideas I've tried (among others . . .):
  • eating
  • not eating
  • exercising
  • not exercising
  • sleeping
  • not sleeping
  • reading
  • not reading
  • believing my thoughts
  • arguing with my thoughts
Know what the hardest thing for me to do is? Move into my feelings of sadness. Too scary.

Will I ever come back? Will I die?

This is why I cry in the shower, in the bathtub, and when I am swimming. I feel supported by the water; I merge with the very tears that are coming out of my body and I am in a state of surrender.

My son has a move that he made up in the pool last week. 

He floats on his back, puts his arms out like he is a cross, and repeats quietly in a low singing voice: "Water Jesus."

I think he's trying to tell me something. Kids are so darn smart before they begin to forget and learn all the grown up stuff.

Thanks, Max.

Still okay.
Love, Dana

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