We keep repeating our patterns until we finally learn . . .

Yikes !#$%^$%^^*!

I was punched in the face yesterday by an interesting pattern in my life.

OUCH!~and double OUCH! 

Guess why.

Because (I allow) the same person to keep triggering me and pushing my buttons, and rather than detach, I got sucked into the emotionally toxic tornado and reacted---

I got frustrated, sad, furious, and sad again. And then really pissed!

I felt like a victim having a hissy-fit slash temper-tantrum.

Know why I was mad? 

Another person's values are not the same as mine--and because of this, we each behave in different ways and we each prioritize things differently. And guess what? As I was having my fit, I realized that I was exhibiting the same behavior that had apparently triggered me. Funny how that works.

Now, you may wonder why I don't walk away from this relationship, but sometimes that is just not possible--in which case, the practice of detachment without judgement can come in handy; after all, I want the same from others, right? 

Not so easy--especially when I am reacting already--which is definitely not a place of choice . . . (thank you for the opportunity, Universe. I think) . . . 

Very often the most difficult relationships can be my best teachers--I know this to be true, but sometimes it just sucks. The good thing is, that after about ten or twenty minutes of reacting and getting myself worked up into a tightly wound knot (I almost threw up!), I caught myself and began to intentionally breathe deep and long. 

No coincidence that I just started another 15-day meditation practice and I learned this breathing technique yesterday in the bathtub on DAY ONE: "Quiet Your Mind."  The introduction for today read: 

The most powerful tool for quieting the mind is the breath. It has the ability to both calm and revive you. By learning to focus on your breath, you become more aware of your total body, and less susceptible to the harrowing effects of life’s stressful situations.

Healing Rhythms 15-day Meditation

It's totally free! (click to register)

Things were looking up and I felt more in control. I went outside to calm down, get some fresh air and breathe, and I found a package on my front steps. I took it as a sign (of course). I mean, who doesn't want a package?

And here is a picture of what was in my package: Kisse's Sweet and Treats.

Wonderful!

And then, I went to my super sweet boyfriend's house,

and the lilacs were in full bloom and they smelled like heaven. 

Thank you so much, Lord.

Life is god. Good. 

My life is amazing.

No Drama.

I love you all!

Dana

Those mean girls . . .

Hey All!

I was thinking this morning about some of the friendships I had when I was in middle school. They were, of course (LOL!) filled with drama (especially since I am a girl!)--and it got so bad that sometimes I really didn't want to go to school at all...

I can remember faking I was sick so I wouldn't have to deal with those mean girls--who kicked me off the lunch table, who whispered about me in class, who passed notes and made fun of my clothes, or who called me fat... (or so I thought...)

Looking back, I realize that a lot of the so-called drama that happened TO me, was really a bunch of stories I made up in my head about those mean girls and what they thought. 

The worst thing is that I actually believed those stories I made up!... and I didn't realize I had a choice to not believe MY OWN stories.

It actually never occurred to me that I could be making it all up in my head! Or, that even if they were as mean as I thought, I could have just not accepted their thoughts as true or real. 

Just because someone says or thinks something about you does not mean it is true or real!!!! 

I'm going to write that one again:
Just because someone says or thinks something about you does not mean it is true or real!!!! 

What if it were true that we actually choose our thoughts?
What if it is really the thoughts we choose that cause us our own misery?

In THE WORK of one amazing GODdess named Byron Katie, we are asked to look at our own thoughts and ask FOUR QUESTIONS:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know it's true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. What would you be without the thought?

What I know to be true now, is that the stories I made up about what those mean girls thought, were actually my own creations! I was the mean girl--being mean to myself!!!!! OMG!

Do you ever question your thoughts? Or do you just automatically believe them?

What is some of the mean stuff you say to yourself? What if you chose to no longer believe that voice or even listen to it in the first place?

EverYone--
Make friends with your inner mean voices! Introduce yourself! Look them in the eyes and tell them you don't believe the mean stuff they say about you anymore! Then, share a piece of the most delicious, YuMmY cake with them! 
Invite them into your circle of friends and love them . . . love them to pieces!

Have a beautiful day! 
So much love...

Dana

rIsE aBoVe iT (and lOvE yOu!) . . .

“When it rains, most birds head for shelter; 

the Eagle is the only bird that,
in order to avoid the rain, 

starts flying above the cloud.”

Hey fUnFreePeePs!

Yesterday I wrote a little bit about breaking free from the relationships that don't feel positive and that do not support your highest good. Sometimes, we keep friends around, even when we are uncomfortable for whatever reason--we give too much, we are criticized or told what to do, or we just can't be ourselves. Sometimes, we hang on just because we are afraid of being alone.

Someone is better than no one, right? No Way!  Yikes!  RED FLAG!!!!!!

If we are mean to ourselves, why shouldn't others be treat us in the same way, as well? We draw into our lives people who mirror how we treat ourselves. 

We really need courage to let go of these  yucky friendships ##$?! And guess what? Then we make room for other peeps who are a better fit!

In middle school, I used to wonder why other girls were so mean to me; I believed the rotten stuff they said about me, and I never stuck up for myself or argued with them (btw, I think I made up a lot of this dRaMA up in my own head!)
This kept happening over and over again. 

Hmmmmnnnnnn...

Have you ever noticed that the SAME stuff keeps showing up in your life until you learn your lesson ?!!!!?

Funny how that works! Thanks You-niverse!

It doesn't matter whether the friends are girls or boys--people treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated (BTW--it's the same when you are grown up!...)! So, if you notice that you hang with peeps who aren't very nice to you, ask yourself, "Why?" 

MAybe they aren't your pEEps, after all! 

They are a reflection of how you feel about you! So, what if you love yourself enough to rise above the storm--like an EaGle! 

fLy hiGh and fRee little cHickaDee!

Love U,
;) dana

bE PreSeNt!

Seems like so many of us spend our energy wishing for things to be different. Do you? Personally, this habit has robbed me of being present for some pretty big chunks of my life.

The way I can tell that I'm intensely present is when I actually stop noticing the passage of

time; Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi calls this "optimal state" FLOW (and he wrote a book by the

same name!). 

If I'm not present, not in the present moment, I can generally be found up in my head, making up stuff. 

It's pretty L(one)Ly up there, now that I mention it.

It may seem simple to get out your head, but to me, it has taken some very deliberate noticing on my part of where (up in my brain?) and when (in the past or future?) I AM with respect to what's right in front of me. 

Many times, I will notice that I'm not at all present, and so I enter my surroundings and intentionally interact with what's in front of me. Sometimes I even have to NAME STUFF to get out of my head: 

"There is a tree, I can feel my feet stepping in the grass, I am breathing in . . . I am breathing out . . ."

And guess what? 

TIME DROPS OFF, AND I CAN GET OUT OF MY HEAD AND BACK ONTO THE PLANET EARTH. 

It's nice on this earthly plane; I believe I'll try to be here more . . .

Big Love ;)

Dana

Feeling Alone?

If you've never heard of Marie Forleo, she's a super inspiring business leader and coach. Today I'm sharing a video of hers where she responds to a teenage girl who feels lonely and useless.

Check it out!

Hearts,

Dana