Monday, March 30, 2015

On Melting . . .

Sunday, March 29, 2015
The Wizard of Oz
"I'm Melting"~ The Wicked Witch

Seems like there's a lot of characters in  my life right now who are in major meltdown . . . in crisis, downright unhappy, rude, annoyed by life in general.

Sometimes, this includes myself.

The planet is in a weird and funky choice-place at the moment.

And so am I.

As a matter of fact, things are getting so crazy and messed up, that the only choice I have right now is to retreat inside myself, detach, and take care of ME. Like I need to seriously save myself and reconnect with my Source.

I understand that my choice will impact others, and may make them uncomfortable.

That's okay for a couple of reasons.

One, I need to allow others to be uncomfortable without pre-emptively making sure everything is perfect so THEY NEVER GET TO UNCOMFORTABLE. (this is about ME)

And, I need to let other be uncomfortable because that is about THEM--not about me needing to FIX it for them. Why would I take anyone's journey or process away from them?  (again, about ME)

It's just not my business.

The truth is (and I just realized this today as I was processing with one of my besties, Nancy [SHOUT OUT]) that I don't want others to feel pain or discomfort, because I don't want to see it---and here's the clincher:

If I "fix" (which I don't really do, in fact--it's all made up in my mind) other people's pain and discomfort--make it go away, make it invisible--I am denying my own pain. Get it?

It's my own pain I don't want to look at. And when I focus on the pain of others, I don't have to look at mine. 

So today, while I witnessed major meltdowns, I just tried to be present and centered--not fix it (although I did swear once!). I had to walk away and take a break from the drama a few times, but generally I was empathetic and detached---I didn't rush in and helicopter, or give advice.

I took care of myself and set boundaries.

And I feel okay. 
Not swept up, not frantic, not adrenalin-ey (I know that's not a word, but what-evah . . .)
Hopefully, I'll get a good rest tonight and head into work in the morning.
Sometimes, going to work feels like a HELLA vacation!


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