Tuesday, June 9, 2015

heLp yOUrselF to CaKe . . .noT cRumBs!

Hey All--
I was thinking about how often we settle for crumbs in our friendships when we all deserve the most delicious cakeSometimes, we keep friends around, even when we are uncomfortable for whatever reason--we give too much, we are constantly criticized or told what to do, or we just can't be ourselves.

Sometimes, we hang on just because we are afraid of being alone.
Someone is better than no one, right? No Way!  Yikes!  RED FLAG!!!!!!

If we are mean to ourselves, and pay close attention to and listen to our inner mean girl, why shouldn't others be mean to us, as well? We draw into our lives people who reflect or mirror how we treat ourselves. 
Why don't we have the courage to let go of those relationships? 
When I was in middle school, I used to wonder why other girls were so mean to me; I believed the rotten stuff they said about me, and I never stuck up for myself or argued with them. This kept happening over and over again. Hmmmmnnnnnn...that's interesting...
Have you ever noticed that the SAME characters keep showing up in your life (with different faces, of course) and doing the yucky crap u don't appreciate over & over until you learn the lesson you are supposed to learn ?!!!!? Funny how that works! 

We teach people how to treat us.
It doesn't matter whether the friends are girls or boys--people treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated (BTW--it's the same when you are grown up!...)

You know, we actually train (yep, as in dogs! ) the people in our lives how to treat us by what we are willing to put up with, and I believe this is soOoOoo true!

What is the first word we teach a dog?
First, we teach a dog what we are NOT willing to put up with; then, we reward the dog when it behaves in a way that is acceptable to us. Hmmnn... lessons from dogs!

Would you keep a dog in your house who constantly barked at you and bit at your fingers or clamped onto the bottom of your pant legs? Or crapped on the floor? Absolutely not!!!! (and if you did, who would be the problem? you? or the dog?...just sayin'...) 

So, if you are noticing that you surround yourself with people who aren't very nice to you, ask yourself "Why?"  They are a reflection of how you feel about you! Otherwise, you would not put up with them...you would walk away! 
Which reminds me of an amazing poem by Portia Nelson:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson ~ 

Walking down another street can be a really hard, brave thing to do, and sometimes we don't have choices about the people who surround us--like on teams, at work, or in school, or in our families. When that happens, we can just look to others with love and detachment, and be on our way . . . on our own path

Much love!


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